Dear Daughters: Don’t Be THAT Kind of Feminist


Like many kids today, my daughters are very open minded. They believe everyone should be able to live their life the way they see fit, as long as they don’t hurt other people. They believe girls of their generation have the same opportunities as boys and understand it wasn’t always that way. They even believe that girls can BE boys if they choose, and vice versa. They go to a school where artistic expression is front and center and personal expression is encouraged and even expected.

My oldest brought up the subject of feminism the other day, and not for the first time. In this case it was by way of mentioning her friend who she described as an “out of control feminist, like she blames everything that goes wrong on sexism” and when she gave me examples, I agreed she was not out of line to be annoyed by it. My daughter then reminded me that she also considers herself a feminist, in that she thinks opportunities should be equal. And then the next sentiment made me especially proud of her: she realizes there is a difference between these two types of feminism, and is annoyed with the victimhood faction of present day feminism. I’m scoring that in the “Successful Parenting” column, thank you very much.

Historically, feminism has accomplished some amazing things for which I am grateful. Because of historical feminists, I am allowed to vote. I received a higher education degree. I began a teaching career, had babies and stayed home with them for an extended period of time, then went back to work in the same position earning the same pay as the men in my field. I later started a business. I can do my own banking, own a car and property. The list goes on.

I don’t even recognize most of what passes as “feminism” today. That is not to say I don’t think women still have complaints, including Americans in some cases, and especially women around the world who do not even have the right to walk in public without a male escort. I’m not discounting them en masse. I hope that someday they enjoy the same rights and freedom that women in America have.

But for my daughters and their friends, who are fortunate enough to be growing up in this country that is so far ahead on women’s rights issues than many other places, I have some advice.

Dear Daughters (my own and anyone else’s who want to listen):

Be the kind of feminist who:

  • Appreciates what actual, rational feminists and historical feminists have done for you. They DID have to fight and sacrifice and put a lot on the line to gain rights, access, and opportunities for women;
  • Works hard to be the best you can be;
  • Is not afraid to compete and achieve at the highest levels;
  • Feels confident being the highest breadwinner in the relationship… or not;
  • Provides strength for your partner when you have it to give, and accepts strength FROM your partner when you need it (we are all the weaker one in need of support sometimes);
  • Fights for your beliefs with intellect, grace and passion;
  • Is respectful of all people and their own decisions, as long as they earn your respect;
  • Chooses whatever path will make you happy and is best for you and your family-whether it’s the CEO track or the stay-at-home mom track (some women even do both in their lifetime). Both are valid, both are amazing, both are important, and both are available to you because of feminism;
  • Is brave enough to put yourself on the line for what you believe, and to help others;

Do NOT be the kind of feminist who:

  • Puts down people who do not agree with you;
  • Argues your positions with irrational emotional outbursts and fake victimhood;
  • Hates men. Not all (not the vast majority of) men are out to get you;
  • Expects the government to provide for you;
  • Cries foul, exaggerates or flat out lies to “bring attention” to your issue, especially if your issue is nonexistent or a myth;
  • Demands someone else provide you a safe space to deal with your problems…or demands that others provide you anything you should be taking care of for yourself, for that matter;
  • Needs trigger warnings related to things that didn’t actually happen to you;
  • Uses menstrual blood for…anything, anything at all (that’s gross);
  • Mindlessly promotes abortion as a “woman’s right to choose” what happens to “her own body.” Please, I beg you, at least consider this issue also in terms of what is really happening: ending the life of an innocent human being, who will never have the right to choose, never grow up to be like the amazing young ladies you are. At least have the class, decorum and humanity to consider this issue in those terms;

And just for good measure, if I catch you wearing a giant vagina costume, I’ll drag you home and ground you. I don’t care how old you are.

Go forth, young ladies. The world is your oyster. Be proud, be strong, strive to be the incredible people I know you can be. Own your problems and seek solutions. Always aim for greatness and learn from failure. Be tolerant and kind but do not get walked on. And be grateful for what feminism has done for you. You got this!

6 Comments on "Dear Daughters: Don’t Be THAT Kind of Feminist"

  1. This is must reading for everyone young woman today – particularly those who will be going to college and overexposed to “That Kind” of feminist. Thank you for this.

  2. Ok, let’s take a second here.

    “Historically, feminism has accomplished some amazing things for which I am grateful. Because of historical feminists, I am allowed to vote.”

    That was the suffragettes and they were pretty racist. They only wanted rich, white women to vote and many of them were in the KKK. They also firebombed churches and government buildings, purposefully didn’t pay their taxes in order to get their husbands sent to jail. Many also joined the White Feather Campaign, which publicly shamed males as young as 13 to enlist during WW1. Funny how they wanted the vote for women with no strings attached while shaming males into dying for their voting rights.

    Suffragettes were pretty shit people, especially since it completely overshadowed the suffrage movement, which was trying to get everyone voting rights.

    • Excellent post.

      I must add that suffragettes did not win women the vote either. Very shortly before them, men didn’t have the vote either. Men said they should have it because they had military obligation. So they were given the vote. Female vote organically followed after that. Suffragettes retroactively claim credit for it. For example, in Australia men got the vote in 1900, women at 1902, and Emmeline Pankhurst started the first suffragette in 1903 (because many women were against the female vote, as they did not want to get the military obligation, so they needed convincing). 2 years between the male and female vote, in terms of history, is shorter than the blink of an eye. It happened as an organic change in society. Suffragettes did not win it for all women.

      Suffragettes are lying scum, not to mention terrorists. Pankhurst, along with her daughter I believe, bombed some buildings. You can read it in her own personal memoirs:

      Feminism has never, ever done anything good. It has always been a racist, sexist, hate movement from the very beginning. You can read “White women’s rights: the racial origins of feminism in the United States” by Louise Michele Newman (a feminist woman):

      You can also read the “Declaration of Sentiments” from the 1848 Seneca Falls convention, considered the historical beginnings of feminism:
      When you read it, replace “He” with “Blacks”, “Jews” etc. to see how much the sentiments from these “luminary proto-feminists” resemble Nazi propaganda, or KKK propaganda.

  3. Still telling women what they should or shouldn’t be?? And why jump to abortion? Why not talk about the right to say ‘no’, contraception and date rape?

  4. GenderEqualityNotFeminism | June 10, 2016 at 1:04 am | Reply

    Annie, honey, women tell men what they should and shouldn’t be, do, say, think. All. The. Time.

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